Doug in the Movies

Over the past few years I’ve noticed that characters named “Doug” have popped up in movies more often than they used to. It seems to me that they are usually pretty dorky, but Sage didn’t think so, so I decided to investigate. And that led me to rate “Movie Dougs”. (And to find out that there's a good mix of cool Dougs and jerky Dougs. Just like real life.) Below is my attempt at rating them, from best to worst. It's a partial list, as it only includes Dougs in big movies and mostly in movies that I have seen AND remember the character. (For example: there was a Doug character in the movie The Other Guys, but I can’t place him at all, so I left him out.) For each Doug, I’ve given a rating of McQueens, on a scale of 1 (being the jerkiest/uncoolest) to 5 (The McQueeniest). We go in order from best to worst.

Doug MacRay (Ben Affleck), The Town. The Charlestown bank robber with a heart of gold, Affleck not only puts in a good performance for once, but he directs the movie which has an awesome chase scene through Boston’s North End.
Quote: No matter how much you change, you still have to pay the price for the things you've done. So I got a long road. But I know I'll see you again - this side or the other.
Rating:

Dug (Voiced by Bob Peterson), Up. Dug the Talking Dog becomes Carl and Russell’s best friend on their journey to Paradise Falls. Loyal to a fault, always happy, and with the best squirrel joke I’ve ever heard, he is truly Man’s Best Friend.
Quote: My name is Dug. I have just met you, and I love you.
Rating:

Inspector Douglas Todd (Gilbert R. Hill), Beverly Hills Cop. You probably don’t know the name Gilbert R. Hill, but you probably remember his character. He was Eddie Murphy’s boss in Detroit who does not suffer fools gladly. Interesting tidbit about Gilbert Hill: He was once a detective in the Detroit Police Department, and later got elected to the Detroit City Council.
Quote: Don't mess with me now, Axel.
Rating:


Douglas Quaid (Arnold Schwarzenegger), Total Recall. Ah-nold plays the Doug that has recurring dreams of going to Mars, and comes to find out he was a secret agent trying to destroy some sort of resistance. At the end of the day, he does right and saves the citizens of Mars. Also, he got to jump into the sack with Sharon Stone…and then kills her!
Quote: Consider that a divorce!
Rating:

Doug McKenzie (Dave Thomas), Strange Brew. I haven’t seen this movie in over 20 years, so I remember very little about it. But this Doug drank a lot of beer in the movie, so he can’t be that bad.
Quote: Take off, you hoser.
Rating:

Black Doug (Mike Epps), The Hangover. He’s the reason there was a “classic mix-up” with Mr. Chow, and even though Black Doug was in The Hangover even less than White Doug (see below), he came across as much cooler. Even if he was an idiot drug dealer.
Quote: It's funny, 'cause just the other day, me and my boy, we was wonderin' why they even call 'em roofies. Y'know what I'm talkin' 'bout?...Why not floories, right? 'Cause when you take 'em, you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. What about groundies? That's a good new name fo' 'em.
Rating:

Doug (Justin Bartha), The Hangover. In the biggest comedy ever made, the main Doug character is the one who’s not in the movie for 80% of it. And when he does show up, his face is so burnt that he looks like an extra from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I mean, who can't get off a hotel roof for 2 days?
Quote: Tracy did mention we shouldn't let him gamble. Or drink too much.
Rating:

Doug (Chris Messina), Vicky Christina Barcelona. The Doug in this movie is Vicky’s fiancée who is mostly heard and not seen. He comes across as solid and steady, and not a bad looking guy, but apparently not enough to stop Vicky from jumping into bed with Javier Bardem. WHAT MORE DOES A WOMAN WANT??? Strangely enough, Vicky is played by Rebecca Hall…who also plays Ben Affleck’s character’s love interest in The Town. This lady obviously has a thing for Doug's. I COULD BE NEXT!
Quote: She had become engaged to Doug because he was decent and successful and understood the beauty of commitment.
Rating:

Doug (Thomas Lennon), I Love You, Man. One of Paul Rudd’s “man dates”, who turns out to be gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) A very funny, albeit small role in the film, he is still made fun of more than he makes funny.
Quote: You know, it takes a lot of nerve to spend a beautiful evening with someone and then never call them again.
Rating:

Doug (Rich Sommer), The Devil Wears Prada. One of Anne Hathaway’s young, hip, professional friends in the movie. (You know…the kind of friend that everyone who lives in New York in the movies has and spends countless hours in cafes and bars with, talking about life but not doing anything else.) Also, he comes off as ambiguously gay, but still a nice, stand-up guy.
Quote: I’m staring into the abyss. But the abyss is cool.
Rating:

Doug Meeks (James B. Sikking), Fever Pitch. Drew Barrymore’s father who dyes his hair black and scares the dog. Then he lets it grow out so he looks like a complete moron. But at least he’s a nice guy and good father.
Quote: He's scaring the dog..How can you stand it?
Rating:

Doug Chesnic (Nicolas Cage), Guarding Tess. A completely overlooked (and rightfully so) movie about Nicolas Cage guarding a former First Lady, played by Shirley MacLaine. I guess he’s cool because he’s in the secret service and all, but there are two big strikes against this Doug: 1) He’s not even guarding a CURRENT First Lady, so he must be a loser; 2) He’s played by Nicolas Cage.
Quote: They're on special today, two for 59 cents.
Rating:

Doug Hughley, (Jeremy Piven), Singles. Piven played Campbell Scott’s old high school buddy who is now a cashier at a grocery store. (I’m not sure how they could portray a person in their late 20’s any worse than having them cashier at a store. Even mopping floors has to be better than that.) However, he does provide one of the best lines in a very good, underrated movie.
Quote: You're the only man I know who could mix Elvis Costello and Public Enemy! “What's so funny about... peace, peace, peace... love and under... peace, peace. / Death Row, what does a brother know? peace, peace. / Yow, wow, wow, wow, wow, kapow!” You're the King, man, you are the King!
Rating:

Doug Whitmore (Sean Astin), 50 First Dates. I don’t remember much about this movie, but apparently Doug was a friend of Adam Sandler's character who used steroids and talked with a lisp. Enough said.
Quote: I didn't know there wath gonna be a urine tethst.
Rating:

Doug Madsen (Tim Allen), Wild Hogs. I’ve never seen this movie, and never plan to. Regardless, this is definitely at the bottom of the barrel.
Quote: Ooh boy, my ass is sore.
Rating: 0 McQueens

Douglas Neidermeyer (Mark Metcalf), Animal House. The jerkiest Doug in the history of the world, without question. One of the heads of hated Omega House, leader of the campus ROTC, and bane to Flounder’s existence. His fate didn’t turn out well, according to the movie’s epilogue: DOUGLAS C. NEIDERMEYER--KILLED IN VIETNAM BY HIS OWN TROOPS.
Quote: You're all worthless and weak! Now drop and give me twenty!
Rating: Negative 42 McQueens


After doing my research I realized there are a few Doug characters on TV that should be recognized as well. Here’s a quick rundown of those, who all seem to be a lot less nerdy than the majority of their movie counterparts.

Doug Ross (George Clooney), ER. Clooney – enough said.
Rating:

Doug Funnie (Voiced by Billy West), Doug. 11 year-old Doug has adventures with his dog Pork Chop, falls in love with Patti Mayonnaise, and does his best to survive 6th grade. Yep, sounds about right.
Rating:

Doug Heffernan (Kevin James), The King of Queens. Kevin James can be funny at times, and insanely irritating at others. For the most part in this show (which I’ve seen less than a dozen times) he comes across as a good-hearted doofus who can’t get out of his own way. Yep, sounds about right.
Rating: