Abre los ojos

On October 21, I went under the knife. Actually, I went under the laser, and had the now-routine laser eye surgery to correct my myopia once and for all. Here’s a recap of how it all went.

Prologue:
I got my first pair of glasses when I was in 10th grade. I’m sure it was probably about 5 years later than I should have, but kids are stubborn, and why give the bullies at school another reason to taunt me? But I had turned 16 and needed to be able to pass the driver’s test, so glasses it was. I never thought I would switch to contacts, as I wasn’t too fond of things touching my eye. In one celebrated scene several years ago, I had to have Sage put eye drops in my eye because I couldn’t do it myself. As the drop went in, I jerked my head down and screamed, “It went in my eye!!!!” Sage’s response: “That’s where it’s supposed to go, doofus.” Nevertheless my glasses continued to cause me problems, including horrible headaches for periods at a time. Getting lightweight lenses and frames helped a bit, but the headaches never went 100% away. Add to that the problems of playing golf in the rain with glasses, and I decided to give contacts a try. I first started using contacts in 1999, and they made a complete difference. The headaches went away immediately, and I never knew I had missed my peripheral vision so much. Then a couple of years ago I started thinking about laser eye surgery. By this time it had become quite common, and the prices seemed reasonable. While contacts were good, I was getting sick of taking them out and putting them in every day, as well as always having to worry about them (i.e., you’re not supposed to fall asleep in them, you have to be careful swimming with them, people throwing tomatoes at your face, etc.) So I decided to go get the free consult.

Surgery Day minus 36:
I decided on TLC Laser Eye Center for two reasons: 1) They seemed very well known and respected in the field, and 2) That’s where Tiger Woods and Fred Funk got their eyes done. And not just at any old TLC…at the same location I was going to. Perhaps their golfing abilities would rub off on me! My first appointment was a simple eye exam where they took all sorts of pictures and sonograms of my eyes. I was told not to wear contacts for 3 days before the exam, as contacts change the shape of the eye and therefore they can’t get a good read on how your cornea needs to be reshaped. After the examination, the doctor came in and told me the good news – my eyes were great candidates for LASIK surgery. Unfortunately, because I have astigmatism in my left eye and was wearing a toric contact lens, I needed to keep my contacts out for 4 more weeks before they could do a final exam of my eye. After that final exam I could have the LASIK surgery.

One of the major things the doctor told me is that one of the possible side affects could be that I’ll need reading glasses earlier than expected. Normally folks need reading glasses sometime between 45 and 50. He said with LASIK that may get accelerated to 40 to 45. So technically I might need reading glasses within the next 4 years. Not a huge deal, but I thought it was interesting that this is a side affect. They also gave me the cost, which was much higher than I anticipated. Luckily my vision insurance covered 10% of the cost, but still this was going to be a large investment. I considered the pros (not having to buy contacts again, which is about a $200/year investment; not having to wear contacts again; being able to see the clock as I lay in bed at night) vs. the cons (the big up-front cost; having to wear glasses that give me headaches for over a month) and decided to go for the surgery.

Surgery Day minus 9:
I make it back to TLC for my final exam. Lucky for me they make me wait for almost an hour before they can see me. Actually, I did feel lucky. I got to leave work early and read “About a Boy”, one of the best books I’ve read all year, while I waited. It beat working. After another 30-minute exam, I was all set. Show up the next Friday and they’d slice me up.

Surgery Day:
The big day arrived. It was a strange feeling, waking up and thinking, “this will be the last day I have to wear these glasses”. At least for a few more years when I’ll need reading glasses. I needed to be accompanied to the surgery, as you can’t drive after, so Sage would be coming with me. The only pre-operation instructions were to keep the contacts out and wear loose fitting clothing, without any perfumes or colognes, and wear no jewelry. So for me, pretty much like any other day. We arrived at about 9:45 for our 10:00 appointment. Thankfully the week before, while I was waiting for an hour, they had me fill out all the liability forms, so I was set to go. The first part of the day was to review what I needed to do after the operation. I was given 3 sets of eye drops: one was a prescription for a drop that helped against infection; the 2nd was a steroid to help against inflammation; and the 3rd was simply re-wetting drops in case my eyes dry out. I needed to take the drops for the next 7 days. After surgery they wanted me to go home and take a nap for 4 to 5 hours. This was probably going to be the hardest part, as (believe it or not) I’m not much of a napper. (Mind you, I LOVE to sleep, and while at college I could go to 2 classes, come back and sleep for 4 hours easily. But in the past 10 years or so, I just can’t get myself to sleep in the middle of the day.) I was told not to try to read or watch TV for the rest of the day, stay off the computer, and basically not do anything where my eyes had to focus for a long period of time. Lastly I was given night goggles to wear at night. These I was skeptical about since I’m a sleep-on-my-stomach-and-smoosh-my-face-into-the-pillow type of guy, so having goggles around my head didn’t seem too comfortable. Luckily these weren’t actual goggles, but simply large curved lenses (without any sort of strap or frame) that I had to tape on to my face.

After the post-op instruction review they did a final exam on my eyes to make sure they hadn’t changed too much. One interesting thing was that my cornea had gotten thicker since my last visit. I have no idea what that meant, but they seemed happy about it. Then I was taken into the pre-op room where the doctor offered me a valium. I wasn’t really that nervous so I probably didn’t need it, but it was free drugs so I signed on. They gave me booties to put over my shoes and a shower cap for my head, which was pretty much the entire prep for the operation. Finally Dr. Perraut, the surgeon who was doing the surgery, came in. Dr. Perraut has performed over 10,000 surgeries and has been doing LASIK since 1999, so I was in good hands. He went over exactly what would be happening during the surgery, told me I was a great candidate (nothing funky about my eyes), and told me not to worry. Then he broke out a flask of scotch and we toasted to straight lasers and loose women. Just kidding.

Before too long it was time to enter the operating room. By this time I had taken off my glasses and handed them to Sage (for the last time ever!), so everything was pretty much a blur. I laid down on the table and they moved this large contraption right above my eyes. It basically looked like a gigantic microscope. The first thing they did was put numbing drops in my eyes. Above me, in the large laser machine, they told me I should see a red light that would be my focus for the surgery. All I had to do was stay focused on the light…just keep looking at it and everything would go great. Personally I would have preferred if I could keep my eyes shut during the entire process, but they told me that wasn’t an option.

My right eye was going to be first. They put a patch over my left eye and then put holders in place to keep my right eyelid open. I’ll skip the easy Clockwork Orange jokes and just say this was when I realized I was going to hate this. My eyes have always been sensitive to light. (And to questions, as Roger Thornhill might say.) Even on cloudy days I use sunglasses as the sun really gives me a headache. During the time that I had to wear my glasses I had a MISERABLE day at a Virginia Tech game. I didn’t have prescription sunglasses (or flip-ups), so the sun was basically right in my eyes during the entire game. My eyes did nothing but tear the entire game, and it go so bad I pretty much kept my eyes closed in between plays. Even when I have eye exams and you have to look into a semi-bright light, my eyes immediately begin to tear. So yeah, I hate the light. So as soon as they put the eyelid holders in place, and I couldn’t blink, I was hating life.

After the eyelid holder was in place, they did something to my eyes that basically turned off my vision. I have no idea what they did, but in about 3 seconds I went from seeing a blurry red light to seeing nothing. For some reason, this DIDN’T freak me out. (I mean, my eye was open and I couldn’t see.) They then said, “you’ll feel a little pressure now”. Well, their idea of a little pressure to me felt like they took an industrial leaf blower and turned it on full blast onto my eye. It didn’t hurt, but it seriously freaked me out. And again, all I wanted to do was BLINK. After a few more seconds my vision came back into light (and I STILL have no idea what they did to make me blind). They then cut the flap on the cornea and peeled it back. This might sound gross, but to be honest, to me all I saw was a blurry red light, then a REALLY blurry red light. The next step was to wipe off the eye under the flap they just peeled back. This was kind of a strange feeling, because I could see them wiping down my eye with what looked like a cotton swab, but I couldn’t feel anything. Sage said later it looked like they were really going to town wiping it down, but it didn’t feel bad at all.

The next step was the LASIK part. Again, they reiterated the instruction that all I need to do is to keep looking at the red light. During the surgery I would hear clicking, but I wouldn’t feel anything. Sure enough, the clicking begins and the doctor said I’m doing great. I really have no idea what exactly the laser is doing, but somehow it’s reshaping the eye. Trying to keep staring at that light wasn’t as easy as it sounds. First, it’s really blurry, so I’m seeing like 4 red lights. I’m not 100% sure exactly where I should be looking. On top of that, while the light isn’t bright, it feels bright to me, so my inclination is to look away from the light. I have to keep telling myself, “just keep looking at the light, it’ll be over soon.” Sure enough, within 30 seconds or so, the right eye was done. They did some more cleaning, put the flap back down over the eye, hit me with some drops, removed the eyelid torture device, and I was finally able to close my eye.

At this point I was feeling okay. It wasn’t a horrible experience, and while the annoyance of not being able to blink was probably the worst part, I thought it wasn’t so bad. They taped up my right eye and went to work on my left. The process was exactly the same: Numbing drops, prop the eyelid, render me blind for a few seconds. This time I knew rough blowing was coming, and that’s when I had a feeling that this eye wasn’t going to be as smooth as the other. Not that anything was going to go wrong, but I had enough and wanted nothing more than to get up and go home. The blowing happened, they bring my sight back, and do the corneal flap. I think without glasses or contacts my left eye was worse than my right, and I could tell it when they pulled the flap back. This time I couldn’t even figure out where that red light was. I knew it was up there somewhere, but either because my eye was tearing from staying open, or my sight was so bad, all I saw was this large red blob above me. They did the washing of the eye, and this time it seemed like it was taking longer to get going. Sage said they had to peel the flap back twice, so I’m not sure if it fell back into place or what. So they get ready for the laser this time, and the doctor keeps telling me, “focus on that light”. The clicking starts, and I could tell it’s going poorly. For one, the doctor has to keep reminding me to look at the light. I’m trying, but I can’t tell exactly where I’m supposed to look. On top of that, I really just want it to be over, and I think my body starts rebelling. I can hear my left eye saying to the brain, “Oh, you want me to keep looking at this light? To Hell with you! I’m looking everywhere BUT this red light!” For some reason I just couldn’t keep that eye looking straight up, and the doctor has to keep telling me to try to correct that. This one seemed to last about 2 full minutes, and I am HATING it. Finally he said it’s done, and says, “Great, you did perfect.” Perfect? I’m sure that since my eye kept looking everywhere but where it’s supposed to he’s going to tell me, “I’m sorry, but you now have 20/20,000 vision in your left eye. Tough noogies.” But he tells me that the laser is sophisticated enough that even if your eye looks away from the target the laser is able to track with your eye.

After the final drops and the removal of the left eye holders they tell me to swing my legs off the table. At this point my eyes feel okay, but either they are so sensitive from the surgery (or from not being able to blink for 5 minutes) I don’t feel like I can keep them open for more than a few seconds at a time. They escort me out to the waiting area where they have recliner chairs, inclined back. This is where I thought TLC was quite stupid. They told me to sit here and rest for a few minutes. However this room had all their fluorescent lights on! On top of that, I’m reclined back so I’m basically looking right into the lights if I open my eyes. Even keeping them closed it felt really bright. Why not have a darkened waiting room? After a few minutes they brought me into an exam room. They took a look at the eyes, and the doctor said everything looked great. They gave me sunglasses to wear, said not to try to read road signs or look too much on the way home, and made me an appointment for the next morning as a follow up. By 11:45 we were out the door.

Almost immediately after leaving the office I knew I was going to be in for some trouble. Even with the sunglasses it felt like I was looking directly into the sun whenever I opened my eyes. They felt so sensitive. I basically kept my eyes closed unless I was walking, and even then only looked through slits as Sage led me back to the car. On the way home I felt sick. I’m not sure what it was, but I just felt awful. I had my eyes shut the entire time and my eyes just felt so sensitive to light. But there was no light! I was also starting to think that this nap might not be hard to come by as all I wanted to do was to keep my eyes closed.

We got home, I put on my sweatpants and went straight down to the basement. Sage helped me put on my night goggles (and taped my nose shut in the process, but I wouldn’t let her turn on the lights to see what she was doing so it’s not her fault), and I laid on the couch, completely miserable.

And then the burning set in.

For the next two hours or so I was in complete hell. The only way I could describe it was that it felt like someone had taken a jalapeno pepper, sliced it in half, and then rubbed the inside of it on my eye. My eyes burned so much there was no way I could nap. I just laid there, in the dark, my eyes tearing non-stop from the burning and the pain, sucking down Advil like they were M&M’s. I’m not sure how, but after a couple of hours, the burning started easing and I was able to fall asleep. I slept for about 2 ½ hours, and by the time I woke up (around 4:30) the burning was all gone.

The rest of the day I just zoned out. I was able to see relatively well, though it still seemed like it was way too bright to keep my eyes open. I had to put drops in my eyes every two hours, and for the most part I just sat around, listening to music and letting Sage cook me food. I decided that I should sleep in the guest room with my night goggles as I was guessing I would probably keep Sage up trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. In fact I slept okay, though I ended up waking up every hour or so. The first few times it was a little disconcerting, as it felt like there were fish tanks on my eyes. But I made it through the night without many problems.

Surgery Day plus 1:
Waking up the day after was amazing. After the first few minutes of having to get your eyes to adjust after waking up, I couldn’t believe at how well I could see. There was hardly any blurriness and my sensitivity to light had gone away (mostly). The check up was relatively quick. They had me do an eye test, and already my sight was 20/30 in each eye, 20/25 with both. (You have to be 20/40 to be okay to drive, so I was fine on that front.) The only problem they saw was some inflammation in one of the eyes, so I had to double up on my steroid drops. But besides that, everything came out great.

Epilogue:
It’s been almost two weeks and everything has gotten better and better. I had to keep using the steroid drops up until yesterday because of the inflammation, but that has gone away. My sight should improve gradually over the next 3 to 6 months (don’t ask me why, that’s just what they say), and they schedule follow-up exams at 1 month, 3 months, 6 months and 1 year to make sure everything is copasetic. Already, though, my combined eyesight is 20/20 using both eyes. And the best part of the agreement with TLC is, that as long as I go see a TLC doctor for an annual checkup, any follow-up surgeries or re-treatment to fix my vision is completely free of charge.
So what’s my final take on this? After almost two weeks I have to say that all the pain and stress was well worth it. My eyesight is great and I never have to worry about those pesky contacts again. And hopefully the reading glasses will wait for a while.