Da train! Da train!

So a friend emailed me the following photo:















Who's to say whether it's real or not. I tend to think not, or at least it's not a permanent tattoo. But if it is real, I had a question: WHY? Below are some thoughts on the answer to that:

1) The person in the photo gets lost on DC Metro quite a bit, and since tourists, idiots, and general selfish nutcases like to stand right in front of the metro map, he/she decided to take matters into his/her own hands and always have a metro map to look at. A couple of problems with this theory: a) If the person needs the map themselves, shouldn't it be upside down, so when he/she tries to read it, they can read it? b) If the person tried looking at it in the mirror, it would be reversed, so they should have tattooed it backwards in order to read it in a mirror. So I'm assuming the tattoo wasn't made for their own needs.

2) The person in the photo has a friend who needs a metro map, and they travel together often. This could almost (ALMOST) be plausible, in a bizarro world kind of way, if the person's friend had mental disabilities and couldn't read their own map. Or perhaps their friend is a dwarf who can't see the Metro maps as they are about 5 feet high. This would be 3 feet high, perfect for a little person. Again, thoguh, some problems with theory 2: a) If a person was mentally disabled and needed the person in the picture to travel with them on metro, I doubt they could even read a metro map to begin with, never mind one printed on a stomach of a friend. b) Can't a little person simply pick up a pamphlet with the map on it, and carry it with them? So I'm assuimng the person with the tattoo isn't being altruistic for a friend in need.

3) He/she is a complete idiot. I think we have a winner. The entire tattoo mentality I think has gotten out of control. It really seems that everyone has to get one these days, especially college kids. Now I've considered getting one...well, that's not true. I would NEVER get one, but if someone put a gun to my head and said, "a tattoo or your life", I'd first probably suggest my wallet as option 3, but if that wasn't good enough, I'd get the tattoo. It would be a small Hokie Bird logo, probably on my shoulder. Either way, even though I LOVE VT and the Hokie Bird, but still, why do that to my skin? But these days, everyone has to have a tattoo. (A cute gorilla tattoo would be money, now that I think about it...) I guess people think it says, "check me out -- I have changed who I am, and this has branded me for life!" Congrats, in five years when you meet that man of your dreams, you'll have a picture of waterfall on your ass for all time. He'll love that. Either way, this person with the Metro tattoo did it for any of the following reasons: a) he/she was drunk and thought it would be cool at the time; b) he/she lost a bet; c) he/she has so little self esteem that they wanted to make sure they could stand out in a crowd, and thought a sign on their head that said, "HEY! NOTICE ME!" wouldn't go with their clothes at the club.

But here's my biggest problem with this tattoo: it's in black & white! If you're going to do something so stupid as get a tattoo of the DC Metro, whose lines are designated by COLOR, wouldn't you get the map in color? How much extra would it cost? So not only are you ridiculously asinine, but also a cheap bastard. Congrats! You are the early front-runner for Lame-Ass of the Year award!